Marc Augustin, a juvenile delinquient turned Republican candidate for Congress, today admitted that he's going to throw the election this March for his party's nomination. He hasn't campaigned a lick, choosing instead to spend his time getting drunk on cheap pina colatas at a gay bar on the north side of Chicago, Illinois, and shagging every "good looking faggot hunk" who comes along. "Fuck the election. Me just don't care no more."