This letter is addressed to all of us who are generally known as the "educated middle class", probably the most guilty of the lot. I suffer from depression when I take a hard look in the mirror. I feel helpless, defeated and broken.... and all this when I haven't even tried to do anything. I wonder if you share my sentiment.... I wonder if you too feel defeated without having even tried. The Gujarat topic reluctantly creeps into drawing room conversations. I sit with family or friends, we shake our heads, wonder what this country is coming to, click our tongues in self pity, and then try to erase it from our minds... hoping that the problem will go away. I went through the same drill when I read about innocent Hindus being killed in Punjab as they were dragged out of buses by the Khalistanis, then again in November 1984 when many Sikhs were butchered by putting burning tyres on their bodies, also when hundreds were being put to death in Kashmir, and then in Manipur and Assam and Nagaland, and yet again when the Babri Masjid was demolished and there was an organised pogrom against the Muslims in Bombay. I go through the same drill this time, hoping that the killings stop soon. Only problem is ...this time they wont. The masks are off. The sleeves are rolled up. And they have the entire state machinery on their side. So whose fault is it? Of course it's mine. And yours.

We blame our "leaders". We blame the "system". Time we realised that our inaction is responsible for both.

I was in Delhi when they came for the Sikhs. Our colony was badly affected. We are a fairly well connected family and in a couple of days it was arranged for us to move into the safe confines of the cantonment area. We were among the "lucky few". Our neighbours pleaded with us not to go and assured us that they would protect us, as indeed they had done for the first two days. My parents’ generation has seen one partition and this time they were taking no chances, so we moved. For the fortnight or so that we were there, at the fortified house of a family friend, (another Sikh family), we the youngsters were encouraged by my Aunt to sing songs and tell jokes. Thus it turned out to be something between a nice vacation and a traumatic period. In retrospect it was a strange way of dealing with the situation and perhaps keeping our sanity and balance. This time too I tried to take my mind away, by going to parties, meeting up with friends over drinks, switching away from the news channels and generally trying to avoid reading about the whole goddamn affair. But it's not working this time. The ghost of Godhra continues to haunt us. Even yesterday, two Muslims were stoned to death as they were going to work. Unknown. Nameless. But somehow connected to all of us.

By now most of you would have read the account written by Harsh Mander, the IAS officer who resigned in disgust and despair at what he saw. If you haven't, I can forward it to you. You must have read about the pregnant woman whose stomach was ripped open and her foetus killed, about the family who were slaughtered by electrocuting them after flooding their house, and about the methods used by the rapists and killers. No point repeating such horrific details. You would be aware of how Modi's govermment continues to be in the saddle and carries on with it's agenda of humiliating and subjugating a whole community. You must have seen how our Parlimentarians made a mockery of the whole issue, for their own ends. You must have read how Atal Behari said that he considered removing Modi but how he felt that it would worsen the situation. I wont be surprised if some even swallowed this blatant lie. Are we fools, or are we accomplices. Or are we simply dead? Perhaps the whole nation is trying out the old formula of burying it's head in the sand. The last issue of India Today was about Holiday destinations. This week's issue is about the best colleges. In a Chandigarh newspaper, I vaguely read about some stabbings in Gujarat in an obscure corner of page 9. There was however, enough space dedicated to some fashion show.

So what can we do? No leadership. The media's priorities are warped. There are hardly any public platforms worthwhile where you can register your protest. Unless you want to go to some Dharna which will feature in the next day's colour supplement with a large picture of a concerned model or actress or Booker prize winner or some other pretty face. How can the silent majority break it's silence? Emails?(...."please forward this to as many people as you can"....)Petitions? Signed by Seven thousand nine hundred and fifty four people? Why isn't it seventy thousand ...or seven hundred thousand.....surely there are are more "educated" and concerned people..... or is the silent majority bothered at all? What do you feel?

I guess all these methods have some value even if it is a drop in the ocean. It would be infinitely worse to throw up your hands in despair and say "So if it has no effect, it is not even worth trying.....as long as my life and limb and property is safe, let me just sit quiet and thank my lucky star" ....for that attitude has led us to where we are and God alone knows what else is in store.Apart from God, the Sangh Parivar too knows.As do the fundamentalists from all other religions.Whenever moderates have kept silent there have been riots, pogroms, ethnic cleansing, holocausts......and if we continue dealing with the situation in this way we will be guilty of much more.

I write to you, family and friends, know if you too feel the same way. And if you do, then do you have any idea about what is to be done....for I dont.

I need help.

Gurpal